I AM DOING IT, SO CAN YOU!
They (whoever they are) say that we are born with addictions. Some of us become addicts to the full extent. Our personality is formed before we can talk. I believe that. By the time I made it to recovery, I was broken down and hopeless.
I was one of the lucky ones to make it. Changing my way of thinking was a must. The last day of my using was one that I will never forget. It was told to me that if we forget that pain and degradation, we are destined to go back out in that using world. Forgetting is not an option for me.
After years of using and getting worse by the day, killing myself felt like the best option. I had the gun, the note written and ready to check out. I called a treatment center and told them if they did not get me in there right away, I would die. They did and I have been clean and sober since then.
I did not want to be an addict. I learned that if I could not take care of myself, I could not take care of my children or anything else in my life. Regardless of how horrible or how wonderful things are, using is not an option for me today.
Being a productive member of society in all areas of my life makes me a better mother, woman and human being. Learning to love myself came later in my struggle with staying clean. It seemed like once that was accomplished there was no need to take myself back to insanity.
There is not a person who cannot change their life around once they make up their mind to do it. Many have and we are living proof of that.
"Recovery Left Me Searching" (Due out in 2016)